moany mouse

A lifestyle blog

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Cervical Screening Test & Bold Periods

Ever since the age of 11 my life has been controlled by my menstrual cycle. Heavy periods + pain, pain, pain = 7 out of every 28 days spent moping around my house feeling sorry for myself. I have never once experienced one of these "happy periods" you hear about in adverts with the active women wearing white trousers to the gym.

Anyway, like I ain't dramatic enough, mother nature decided to bless me with a period that lasted for four months starting March this year. I tried to phase it out but the worry got the better of me and I decided to book in to see my doctor who advised bringing forward my cervical screening test by a few months.

Very. I can't express this enough. In Scotland we get invited in for our first test at the age of 20 so this was my 2nd, and it was over and done with in minutes. I don't cope well with medical appointments as I am really squeamish and faint at any given opportunity, and I must admit when it comes to cervical screenings I'm no different (the doctor actually books me in for a double appointment when they are doing anything more than taking my blood pressure because we know it's going to end up in my having a "wee lie down" on the table, all sweaty and fainty). I don't know anyone else however that goes through the same drama as I do when it comes to these tests so again just want to highlight how quickly it's all over. Love you NHS.

After my test I decided to head into the pharmacy next door and stock up on sanitary pads. A bit of a back story first -growing up, the thought of having to buy my own period equipment (?) mortified me. I hated the thought that the person at the till would know I was on my period. I don't know what I was expecting to happen, as if the shop assistants were going to rip off masks to reveal they were actually bears or sharks, using their impeccable animal instincts to detect a period and make me their next meal.

I don't know when it happened, and I don't know why it happened, but one day I must have decided to own my period. When I was doing my shopping, rather than sprint down the aisle, grab Always Ultra and hide them at the bottom of my basket like it never happened, I started to swan about, Always Ultra in hand. Yes I am on my period. Hey guy, I can see you looking at my essentials and I don't even care. This period is real. I dare you to try to period as well as me.

So yeah, I'm in the pharmacy and I'm still living life like the badass period owner that I am. I take my time finding my fave towels on the shelf and stroll leisurely up to the till, passing a 40 something year old man on the way. The lovely woman at the till then tells me that I've missed an offer and dashes away down the shop to make sure I get my moneys worth. From the bottom of the shop she shouts over the man waiting, "DO YOU PREFER WINGS OR NO WINGS?" and I can see the man moving uncomfortably out the way. "I LIKE WINGS THANK YOU!"

Growing up that exchange would have killed me. Now I'm like hell yeah, thanks awesome pharmacy lady for thinking about my savings and wing/no wing needs. I guess I can tick period anxiety off my list.

If you are due to go for a cervical screening test and want to chat to someone about it, I'm more than happy to help put your mind at ease and give you an idea of what to expect from the appointment. Just leave your email address in the comments and I'll connect with you! 


  1. I know perhaps this wasn't intended to make people laugh (Maybe I don't know) but I laughed because of my most recent blog post was also about periods. That girl life...

    1. I like to try and throw in a bit of humour when it comes to this kind of topic! I will head over now and check out your post x

  2. I am right there with you. Periods are the worst. I'm actually having mine now, and am currently stuck on the sofa with pain killers and a heating pad hating my life.

    But ummmm.... 4 MONTHS?! That is actually hell. I'm so sorry.

    1. I feel ya. I once tried the contraceptive jab and ended up with a nine month long period. Think mother nature just likes punking me!