moany mouse

A lifestyle blog

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Call Centre Wisdom

As a little girl I never thought I would grow up to be a Mortgage Advisor in a call centre. I like to think that I will move on to do something where I am able to help people or animals in a more meaningful way but for now - it's call centre life baby.

There are few things that keep you going in a call centre, first and foremost are the people that you work with. You get all sorts of characters. I am lucky enough to have made some great friends and currently work alongside two of my besties. We also work beside Guy That Looks Like He's Rapping, Runs a lot Manager, Gossip Granny and He Looks Like He Might Kill Us.

Another thing that keeps you going is some of the things you hear these people say to customers.

Sometimes I'll be lying in bed trying to get to sleep and then I'll remember one of these quotes and cackle like a witch, terrifying my boyfriend, cats and probably any passers by outside my bedroom window. I'd like to share some of them with  you.

The first quote is one I heard from a sales retention agent, you know, an agent that gets paid for trying to keep the customer's business.

"How did you get this extension number? You should never call me directly. Ever."

A customer service agent giving out an address to a customer. 
"Barnwood. As in a barn...wood." 

Another sales retention agent. 
"I don't believe that is your email address. It does not sound like a real email address. I mean I will certainly email you but I doubt you will receive anything."
This agent might secretly work as the King of Real and Acceptable E-Mail Addresses but this is unconfirmed.

Customer service.
"You are well within your rights to take this to the financial ombudsman but I don't know what he's going to say, he could agree with us."
This one is my personal favourite. I like to think of this as a scenario in my head, where there is one suited man just totally snowed under by hundreds and thousands of complaints of all sorts throughout the UK. 

Customer service.
"Do you like me?"
Bit needy but who isn't I suppose? 

Sales retention.
"Please let me explain sir, I cannot send you the documents by email as you told me you do not have a computer."
The customer wanted to complain about the agent not sending an email even though he had no email address/way of accessing emails. 

Sales retention.
"I don't like animals, apart from fishies."

Sales retention.
"I had to ask my midwife if drinking too much Irn Bru would make my baby come out ginger!"

Sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing and ask myself if this is real life. The people that I work with are mostly giant babes and we've been able to have a laugh at the daft things we do (I'm a shouter - I get half way through a phone call then inexplicably start shouting my conversation down the phone) however I did not question Scary Email Guy about his conversation.

I wasn't brave enough.


  1. hahaha oh this was so funny! I think any of us that have worked in an office have experienced this! Great post! XO -Kim

    1. Haha thank you! Glad it's not just me that picks up on these things! x

  2. Haha this is great! I work in a call centre doing PR but used to be on calls and I can totally relate to this!! Xx

    1. Ha thank you! I know, I'm currently working as a trainer but writing this post made me miss being on the floor! xx